Nasty but Never Dirty ^^

I'm bored, and not so bored at the same time.


I'm doing this blog because it's just the fact that I have time to do it right now. I don't have to do anything today besides just stay home. I don't find that depressing, I like staying home from time to time. It gives me that alone time to fully collect my thoughts together and think of my next steps forward in my life.

It's crazy that I've seen about three shooting stars during this week. I wonder if even my wishes would come true. I mean I would have to actually meet somebody that made a wish off a shooting star and it came true. Then I would truly believe that making wishes from stars is true. The only reason why I don't believe it right now is because I don't know if it usually happens the next day. Or does it take time before it actually comes true O.o

There's hella change right now, the weather's been changing, the economy been changing, Obama won and now the world is going to change. But what I also don't like is that some of the props that I've been campaigning against have been passed. =.= It's ok, I'm not necessarily mad, just disappointed at the turn of events. But at least 00 passed, Kids First :)

Eventhough I didn't go to a UC or a State like everybody else, I try to make the effort to at least attend the events they go to. People become suprised when they see me there and I don't blame them either. There are times where people asked me what school I go to.. and I usually have really embarassed about the school I tell them. I wished I didn't fuck up so bad in High School, but I couldn't help it. I was in denial and that has set me back for a really good min.

Still though, I have a blast just getting around and shit. I know my life isnt really the best either, but I try to live it to my full extent. I still wished that I was in either the state or UC system, but I guess I'ma have to wait now. It's koo, I met a lot of new folks and cute girls :) still eventhough I aint in those colleges yet ^^. So it's all good, I hope everybody could just expect that I'm goin to be everywhere.

Vote No.

NO on Prop 6 and 9.
If you can vote, please do so.
Spread the word about it. Research on these Props and challenge them D:

Sorry.

Sorry.

Not easy to say.

Not easy to repeat.

Not easy to hear period.

It's really the only thing that you could go to.

After all the fame is gone.

The money isn't there anymore.

When any other word becomes annoying.

Sorry is what holds the bridge together.

But it's harder said then done.

You may buy gifts to say you're sorry.

You may buy meals to say you're sorry.

You may put on your older sister's shoes and take pictures with your niece matching with her dress and have eye liner on with puckered lips to say sorry.

But one sentence.

Will end all battles, wars, quarrels, and etc.

Think about it, instead of blaming somebody. See who's the one truly wrong and should say

Sorry.


P.S. I didn't know that "I'm Sorry." could be a sentence. When did sorry become that verb or whatever to make just that one word even complete a sentence in literary terms D:

After Some Thought. A BIG DECISION

There has already been a couple of bolts and cogs meshing together.
But I have decided to start writing a movie.
I have been inspired by how widely famous Wongfu Productions has made it so far on youtube.
I decided to go into the makings of writing out my own movie and then work long enough to buy the equipment necessary to make this production. Not only do I hope that I make something thats beautifully crafted, but also showcase talents and skills that people have.
I would like this to become a group project, much help and commitment would be really appreciated.


P.S. For those who think that I may never get this chance of actually making something of this caliber, you guys must don't know me. I am not the type of person that likes to sit around and just dream big, but I am the type of guy that would try his hardest to get the motors on this ship moving. If you're serious about making this movie possible, I'm just as serious as well.

Ode to the Ones That Did Me Durrty

Thats right. You did me dirty.

You took a part of me into your life and I did the same.

But you decided to completely eradicate the link between us.

You severed it by using real emotions and shot them
like real bullets to rip my heart apart.

Young and foolish, I didn't know how to take it

Hurt and bruised, I didn't know how long I could fake it.

As we grew more distant, the relationship became more cold.

At the end, my love for you was frozen.

Thats right. You did me dirty.

Your eardrums kissed my words.

We laughed, cried, and smiled together like a child's book.

My pride was on the highest point, and you knocked it over like you didn't see it.

Struck from sudden shock. Numb by the feeling of seeing your back.

Thats right. You did me dirty.

I hugged you in great care.

Words of common grounds bare great comfort.

Trusted you of what you said seal with the word "Promise"

Ignorant and young, I just wanted to feel fire on these fist.

My tears were never cold as the spill down my cheek bones

I can feel the searing pain until you dripped from my chin.

Thats right. You guys did me dirty.

I can never forget the pain you guys inflicted in me.

It has made me for what I am today.

For that.

Instead of saying "FUCK YOU"

I say, "I LOVE YOU"

I hope in the future you can speak to me again peacefully.

9/11

Let this day be a day to remember, of all the people lives that shouldn't have been taken away. Now its time to flip the propaganda. I don't wanna take this time to cheer for this country or show love for this country. It's really sad and tragic for those that lost their lives in 9/11 and I'm mad for their families because their lives weren't necessary to start this war have now have in the middle east. I also feel sorry for the families that are duped into thinking that terrorist were the ones that killed all of the love ones in those twin towers.

For that I am truly sorry and I'll take this time of silence for those that died and for the families that don't truly know the people that killed their families.

One Verse

One look and I was caught in my infatuation

It only took one compelling conversation

To get me feeling like a little kid without patience

And I'm just getting tired and sick of waiting

It's like this waiting period is trying to test me

If it's worth being with you when the odds against me

Just simply

Having my eye closes and being able to dream

Having motive just to change impossible to possible if I believe

And I can see the possibilities are endless

I'll could show you another side better than heaven

Lemme be the person to add the little cherry on top

On top everything on how you feel and watchu got

Just let me put my head next to your chest and lemme hear your heartbeat

Because it never stops to play my favorite melody

Progress

I remember the night before, I blazed up and off of one blunt got me going. Le woke me up at 11 and I just didn't want to wake up. It was like the best sleep I had like ever had yet.. But I had to get up, today was Skyline's first AYS meeting of the year. It's a pretty exciting day today, just because I'm seeing the little kids growing up. When I got up, all that was going thru my head was how am I going to get up at Skyline. I mean I don't mind taking the bus anywhere, if the bus went there.. But there's no bus that actualy stops at Skyline, but it stops at Merrit College. So when you get off at Merrit, you gotta walk a good mile to get to Skyline, but up a fucking hill... But the good thing was Tuan hit me up this morning and offered me a ride up to Skyline. I just couldn't turn down that offer lol.

When I got up to Skyline, I saw my folks. Damn.. it felt hella good. They was like my family that I haven't seen through out the summer. It was hella good to see them again and like I just really had this feeling in me, the Youth Center at Skyline will always be home. I walked in and the first person I saw was my bruh, J Coop and my older sister Raina. I love Raina, she's so inciteful when it comes to life and she's such a lovely person to be around. Everytime Raina's around, its like you always have a good time with her. Eventhough there's nothing to do, it's just hella fun to just talk to her and I can talk to her for hours. I saw Crystal, I think thats how you spell her name. I saw Roger after them, and it was good seeing them again. Then Tony walked in with the food. He had this suprised look on his face of seeing me, and I was like yea I'm coming back. Later on the bell rang for lunch.

AYS meeting, damn I saw hella faces in there that I have saw ever happen before. It seemed really promising knowin that the younger folks are trying to get involve with their culture and honing on their leadership skills. I was glad seeing the people that tried to help me and get involve with helping me with last year, stepping up for this year. And they had chow mein with fried rice, so they had it really good going this year. In the classroom they met up was Mr. Yeung and he was like my favorite Gov'/ Econ teacher. He's like down to earth but hella goof about it. I think Vincent and Stephanie can take this club up to the next level or at least up a par for future years.

Now I'm just chillin in the youth center now writing up this blog, and it's weird that I'm gettin compliments that I type fast. I swore hella people type faster than me. So now this is where I'm going to leave it. I gotta see my pops soon.

How Else to Come At It?

Today i woke up at 12 after sleeping at 5 in the morning. I had to get up and study for my permit test again. Alex and Alan slept over as well, so I tried not to make any creaks or loud footsteps as I walked towards my room. I walked in and I still see that Le's knocked out and I hopped on the computer and started surfing the web for practice tests. I was in search of a newer version of a practice test because the practice tests online seemed to be all the same. I seemed to know all the materials on the internet's tests, but the permit test was so much different from the practice test on the internet.. that's how I fail the first time. My mom got back home around 12 30 with some In N Out. And I was not really expecting her until 1 or 1 30. I grabbed a burger and she told me when I was done, we'll go to the DMV. So I tried to stay consistent with my studying while eating that delicious burger. I took about a good 5 mins eating that and another good 10 on studying some more. My mom asked me if I was ready yet, if I wasn't; to make sure that I take a shower and think about it.

While in the showers, I was constantly thinking about my outcomes on the test. Even though everybody usually thinks of passing tests, I was thinking what if I didn't pass it. It was all ugly images in my head of how my brothers would bash me about how I didn't pass, and my mom blatantly telling me of how I am too lazy to even study. So when there's situations like these most people pray. Now.. my situation was hard because I no longer believe in Christianity. After being raised up in Christianity my whole life, after dropping that belief, it's hard to figure or even know what to believe in next. I wanted to pray, because thats usually a custom in my family that I'm really used to with. My mom has always told me that God was the one that perform miracles.. and there's no other form or reason of why they happen. I used to believe that for so long, but now my mind has changed. After watching Zeitgeist, it made me become resistant towards Christianity now. I know thats something that most people think is radical, disowning a religion over some documentary. But I have already knew certains about this world and also it made my eyes become more open to the informations they put on the documentary. All of their information are all stated and it has been researched through many ancient documents, so their info is pretty much on point. So I had this overwhelming feeling inside that I didn't know how to channel into something that I could relieve myself a bit. Since I no longer know who to pray to, or how to pray to anymore after "Christ".

After the shower, I told my mom that I was ready and she took me to the DMV. I took the test and I pass. Thank ______(Some real Deity). My mom was happy that I passed my test and she said that she was proud of me. She asked me did I pray. I didn't pray, but I just told her that I did. She was like "See, I told you to pray on the way here and it worked. I was praying for you while you was taking the test as well and now we need to thank God for blessing us with his occasion." I was reluctant to give God credit on my ability to pass the permit test. But I just couldn't say no to a woman who has solely based her life on God. I love my mom too much to put her through the feeling of agony of not raising her son well enough to make him not believe in Jesus. So I just go along with the things she tells me about him and how much he has helped us in our lives. But now I'm stuck in this area where I don't know if I can tell my family that I don't belive in Christianity no more or either just start searching for a newer meaning in other religions and help them catch on on their own. Or do I just play along with the idea that they think I believe in such a religion to the day that my lungs will not inhale life any longer.

One Night

I have forgotten to tell people about that one night that we went to Seven Steps since Gary wanted to write about it so much. Now.. technically we didn't really reach the very end of Seven Steps, but we got a good view of it.

So lemme start with the prologue of the day. It's Escenthio's last day and he wanted to do something with the boys before he headed off to Berkeley to do his own thang. So he wanted to go watch a movie, but there was no movie that was on the time he desired, because of the prior plans he made already. So in the end, we went to Tapioca Express to see if Kenneth was working there and I couldn't reach him so I thought that he would be working. I got there and he wasn't working, instead I saw somebody familiar. I didn't really know him but I knew of him, so in this light of time I called up Gary. I haven't kicked it with Gary for a really long time so I told him that I saw Eric working. Later on Gary came to Tap Ex and he met up with us, and he said sup to Eric. We was just chilling for a little bit and then Escenthio really needed to go to Berkeley. So Jeri.. (Sorry I didnt mention him earlier, but he's been here the whole time) insisted that he drive Jeri to Berkeley and we asked if Gary wanted to come thru. Gary accepted.

On the road to Berkeley, Gary and Escenthio is catching up. We just chilling and it got quiet, so Escenthio was like "Fuck it, bust a cypher" So he started hella instrumentals and he ripped it on the mic. Everytime E starts spitting, its always amazing what his mind can come up with words so quick in a matter of secs. Now in a cypher, its a circle that people freestyle in and when one person is done, the next comes forth and bust their shit and so on. So after E it was Gary's turn. But he was shy so he passed it on to me. I try my best and I didnt really care if my flows were ugly at the time, but I have to admit now, I've gotten better. We kept doing this with instrumentals from 93' til Infinity to M.I.A. Paper Planes. Eventually we got to where we need to drop Escenthio off and he left us his iPod because he knew we need that sort of entertainment in the car.

We tried to find out what we wanted to do. During the meantime Le wanted to cypher more and Gary actually jumped in. So everybody in the car realized how fun and satisfying it is to flow and not break. Then Kenneth called me and I asked where he was at. He said that he was at work now. So we drove all the way back to Tap Ex to get hooked up and he really hooked it up. I had freaking Taro and hella chicken and I mean hella chicken. While we was eating, Gary and I was looking at the girl behind the counter working. She was really beautiful and I was intrigued to know who she was. So Gary was nudging me to talk to her. I had to admit, I was a little nervous because I haven't really tried to mack for a long time. So I had Kenneth introduce her to me and Gary. Her name was Faith, such a unique name for a beautiful lady, so I had to try. And Gary was proud of his boy of how he was working his magic xD. But in the end, I already knew that she had a bf so it was fun doing what I did, even though I couldnt get digit, it was only for my self esteem :) Her bf came and she went to him instantaneously.. it was a good run, I had fun.

Later on, we was like waiting for Escenthio to come back from Berkeley, so I told him to take the Bart back to San Leandro. While we was waiting for him, Jeri wanted to do something stupid like everybody comes up with one move and we'll put it together into a dance routine. It was one of the most ugliest dances that I've ever seen. I can't believe me, Le, Kenneth, Eric, Gary, and Jeri did that shit. Then Escenthio came through and I updated him on how the day went. He dropped to his knees when I told him one of my lines when I was talking to the girl and he gave me props for it. He got there and he was introduced to Eric and then out of nowhere, somebody wanted to go ghost hunting. I forgot who wanted to go, but in the end we just wanted to go.

So on our way to the Seven Steps, Kenneth wanted to go pick up his friend Larry. After picking up Larry we was on our way to go up towards Skyline Blvd. Before that I called Alan to see if he wanted to go and he agreed to come, so we swooped him up. Later on we drove all the way to Joaquin Miller Park. The area with the fountain itself looked scary. We got out of the car and we went towards the steps. Now these steps climbed up the mountain pretty far up. I dunno how many flights of stairs I was going up, but I know it was a lot. Also when you're walkin up those stairs, you see nothing but darkness. So every step, you could just feel the anxiousness of everybody and hear it as well. So I told everybody to put their hands onto each other shoulders while walking up so just incase, we don't lose anybody. I have no idea why.. but Kenneth and Alan was holding hands.. If you want to know, you need to ask them.

I remember we reached this one area, after going up soo far. There was a big fountain in the middle. Behind that fountain was some more steps.. and it was even darker than what our vision is comprehend. This was an area out of the reach of street lights. So we was in the pitch black area of the mountain. Next to these steps, there happened to be a grotto area where there was water dripping. At first people got a little freaked out from the dripping, but in the end we realized how stupid we felt and started to laugh. During the laughter out of nowhere Escenthio and Le heard this loud screech, it sounded closely to resembling little girl tryin to laugh as well. According to Le it was definitely something that wasn't normal and it sounded like a female and there was actually no females on this ghost hunt expedition. Escenthio decided to peel out during the laughter fassttt. Everybody started to freak out a little bit when Le and Escenthio started to explain themselves.

After little debate, we all decided to walk up those extra dark steps. As we was walking up, I was making sure that everybody was with us at every step. I was making sure that everybody's lights were working properly. Then out of the cuts, Gary said he saw something. Now we try to make sure that it was nothing, you know.. take into account of what it could've been before assuming what it was already. But to back him up, Kenneth said he saw something too. So everybody started to feel a little uneasy. But after another small debate, we decided to press on some more. We reached this point where I felt that we was really close to the very top of this mountain. But I started to feel really weird, I was feeling a little light head. Maybe it was the fact that since we're going so high up the mountain the air started to get thick. But when I look at it now, I believe Skyline when farther up and I never felt dizzy going to school.. O.o Also I was losing my balance, like I feel that I wasnt really centered. I told the group and everybody thought that was jus me, but I know how I felt, and I never felt like that before. After reaching like 5 more steps before hitting the top. We looked as far as we could see with our flashlights. At the very top was an abandon building.. It had some pillars on it and chairs outside. Now I just know if there's a building with pillars on it, its old and something that you should'nt be fucking with. Escenthio felt the same, so he dipped out. I was trailing right behind him, not so long later, everybody was running down the steps towards the cars. I just remember everybody saying don't look back. I wasnt looking back at all, I was making sure that I wasnt goin to fall on those step or stumble. I think I might have push a couple people out the way, but not too hard.

After that we got in our cars and bounce. We went on this dark trail, hoping that it would be scary unfortunately it wasnt. Interesting enough, following that trail from Skyline Blvd eventually reaches Castro Valley. Long before you know it, we was driving along side Castro Valley High. Dayam they had a nice stadium.. for a second I thought the stadium was the school. We drove to the parking lot of their school just chilling for a second tryin to see what to do next. People felt like that was enough for the night and wanted to hit the sheets. While we was there, we saw a kid skateboarding in the parking lot of Castro Valley.. in 2 in the morning.. Made us wonder for a second. I might have to research if anything happened in the parking lot of Castro Valley because that was highly suspicious. But we got home safely and I slept in for hella long, no nightmares so I was GOOD.

G. Double O. D.

See if You Feel Me?

I remember yesterday, I went to the AYPAL OASES Social. Thanks to Tiffany for giving me that wake up call and inviting me. From 72nd to Washington Park, it took an hour to get there; but it's cool all for solidarity :P I remember just being on the bus, it was hella hot and I was wearing an all black fit. Yea.. hella smart of me huh. While I was sweating on the bus, this one girl got on the bus and sat in the seat behind me. Now the rule for me about busses is never to look at people on the bus when they're sitting down. For one, it makes it seem like you wanna see them about something and two it will make them feel awkward. The only time where looking is permittable is when they first get on the bus and walking down the aisle to find their seat. Thats a rule for me, and I strongly suggest you follow that rule as well if you have to take the bus. So I looked at her and she seemed farmiliar. And then at the corner of my eye, using my periphial vision, I could see that she was straight eyeing me, LIKE A HAWK. Now I started to feel really awkward, and this chick is really bigger than me. If it was a different chick that looked attracting, then I've would've been like "HEEYYY" but simply this wasn't the case. Later on she tapped my shoulder and she was like "Aye you used to go to Frick huh" I was like yea. So that's why I know she looked familiar cuz she used to go to my middle school. So I thought it was just crazy of how every one from Frick has change. It's weird too as weird, cuz it's this connection where everybody in Frick has to stay together. Like everybody that went to Bret Harte, went to Skyline. But everybody that went to Frick went to hella other different schools because our teachers all told us to go to any other schools besides Castlemont. So when me and Le got off the bus, I said peace to her, and she felt the same way and we kept it Solidified LOL. AWW YEAA

When I got to Washington Park, I saw a lot of familiar faces. I felt good to be in that space again. Everybody was really just chill. I remember that OASES had everybody split into groups to play certain games, like doing a "Singing Bee" and "Truth or Dare Hot Potato". Now I didn't feel like playing in any of those games because I still felt tired. And I know if I joined the "Truth or Dare Hot Potato" and if I dropped it, Tiffany would want me to repeat my dance I did that the camping trip that one time. So I was just chilling on the bench by myself. Now people be looking and thinking, why do I try to look emo. That's not what I'm tryin to impose on people. People gotta understand that I love having some alone time while I'm in the outdoors. The things I been thinking of usually calms me down when I'm by myself, because I like having all the space to figure myself out. Also I be coming up with new rhymes in my head and I keep going like a local motive and I just can't stop. Something like Neyo and Closer :P I remember they was throwing the water balloons and I grabbed one water balloon. I kept it for safe keeping. I didnt wanna waste it so quickly. I remember Vay tried to pop it while I still had it in my hands. He tried and he failed along with Tommy too. Then Tommy wanted me to get I think Diem or somebody and I remember I said something like "She's already wet." So I changed my target for somebody that was close to me and had dry clothes. I'm sorry Anh, I just had to do it. I was amazed on how the water spilled from the balloon. It didn't even pop, I open it up like an egg and it spilled that way. I escaped from the area as quick as possible.

Now the day was going koo and I was feeling good how it was going so far. It was ending, so they did a closing circle. Now one of the cats from the social had to say something like "I appreciate all the asians that came out except for the Vietnamese ones." Now when he said that, this flashback just clicked in my head of how this one doode used to talk hella shit about Vietnamese people. I remember he said something like "Why Vietnamese people always fucking up games." So I internalized that and I hold it in myself and I feel really offended when I hear something like that coming out of somebody's mouth. So I remember trying to calm down and I was telling them " AYE AYE No Discrimination Yaa." Then in the end, the weaker part of me said " Or I'll lay yo ass out." I couldn't help it.. there's a lot of things that I can tolerate but those things really hits me cuz people don't know how much I've been reticuled for being asian and also have my friends that are mainly chinese people talk shit about Vietnamese people. Now people thought I went too far with that, and I feel the same now when I look back at it. So this is something that I must work on now.

So after that everybody went off doing their own things, and I went with Hai. While with Hai we was waiting for Alan. We wanted Alan to come thru and spend some good ol time with the boys. When he finally met up with us, we just SMASHED and chill. Alan's dad was calling him and it sound like his dad was mad about something him and his sister didn't do. So me, le, and Hai felt a little disappointed that our night had to end so early. So Hai tried to see if it was koo with Alan's parents that we could come over and play some more. Alan was defensive. He didn't want to try to talk to his dad. He said he was scared of him. We was like " you could just ask your dad, and if he says no, then he said no." But he said its not even like that, He said we dunno his dad cuz he's part Vietnamese. Now since he said that, I was thinking in my head.. " WTF DOES THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN " And i remember many times before that he had use that excuse for other things, but I was already irritable about how the day went. So I got really mad on how he used that. Made me feel like people really don't like who Vietnamese people are. Like Vietnamese people are the ones to blame for the problems that happened in their asian lives. I felt offended again. Now I have such a hard time trying to understand who I am in this world still.. and I also try my best to dig myself deep in my roots. But there's so many hardships that intervene with his spirtual digging and it has gotten to a point where I really start to hate who I am. Now I know people tell me to love who I am, and I constantly try to support myself and make sure that my foundation stay strong. But what happens when not only the people that don't know you reticule you and also the ones that should know you best do that same. So I got heated, so I felt like duking it out with somebody that night.

It turned from a koo day to a more emotional and heated day.

Does it Mean Anything?

I was with them, the culprits. They escorted me to a room with my hands behind my back. The door opens and the room is filled with girls, beautiful ones. The culprits told them shut up. Then they whipped out a gun, actually two guns. The culprits was shocked of how these girls got the gun, and I turned around and clocked on of the dudes in the face. He was bleeding from the nose, the other guy put his hands up in fear of the gun. Two guns were pointed at the culprits, and one of the girls got cocky and she started to spin the gun around her finger. That's when the gun sling and went off. It clipped on of the girls in the back. While the girls tied up the two culprits, I ran and got the girl and carried her outside. I brought a phone with me and called the ambulance. She was falling asleep, I tried to wake her up. She was drowsy a little, but she was awake. I sat on the ground and leaned against of the rail and had her sit in my arms so I could keep her awake. I applied pressure to her wound. Then I looked at her, it was her..

Thats when I woke up. Hmm interesting dream I had, just like coming out of a movie.
Does this mean anything?

Lost for Words

As my thoughts clash violently, i sit here quietly

Thinking as what needs to be written

So I close my eyes and imagine

Of what could have happened

If I had said what was on my mind

Would it be able to stop time

Or slow it down enough

That these emotions would touch

Before the trail was lost in the dust

How much would it have meant

If the last minute with you was spent

Was all about how I felt about you

Could what I was hoping come true

Or would to just wither away

And I beat myself because I didn't have the urge to say

BBQ

Well I'm up at 4 in the morning writing out this blog and I just had to reflect on how it went. First I had a dota game with Donald, we lost =.= Kinda killed the morning there lmao. After that game I was like fuck it, I'm done playing dota I'm goin to eat some food. I went outside and they had ribs and soda. I was smacking on them ribs and I didn't feel like drinkin soda. So I had me some beer. Funny how my brother is only two years older than me and they already let him smoke and drink. But when I come around with a beer, everybody is appalled at the site. I felt that that was some bull.. But it's ok eventually that image of me still being young will fade and the new and mature Hieu will sear into there membranes. E stuck around for a little bit and then he was off to the greyhound. He had to go visit his family before going off to Washington. It's goin to be a while that I'm goin to see him but its all good, I know we'll keep in touch.

Eventually I had about like 3 beers and it got the engines goin a little bit and more of my folks started to come. Daniel came thru and I didn't know that boy had a car! It was hella noooicee! A blue lancer 2008 model, not evo though. If it was, would've been like Young Joc, IT'S GOIN DOWN, but it wasn't so we STAY UP. Later on my other friend from San Leandro came thru and hooked up that 360 and got it cracking with Call of Duty. Around this time I had like my 5th beer and I was feeling it. Most definitely feeling it cuz I was whooping ass in Call of Duty.

Later I had to go to my Dad's house with my sister because he wanted me to go look at his scanner. I hate it when my dad calls me to come thru sometimes, especially on the times that I'm too busy to come by. He would make me feel hella guilty because he loves it when he see his kids. So he be trying to presuade me to come see him with food and watch TV. When I say that I'm too busy, he would be like "awww, well I see, just call me whenever you have time then... ok... alright.." I be feeling like I be stepping on his feelings. Well after checking his scanner and stuff me and my sister left to go back to the house again. But before we left he was like watching us leave at the door. My sister said it was cute, if I was a girl I would say the same.

I got back to the house and everything started dying down. My older brothers and his friends left and I come back seeing only Le and my patnah Jeri. Later on Hai came thru and he brought a big suprise with him. I couldn't believe that he freaking brought her to my house. Out of all the people to bring to my house, he had to bring the one that hates me. =.= It was kina weird how she was just sitting on my sofa and then my mom was making sure her and Hai's gf was comfortable in my house. It made me wonder if she even knew that she was coming thru. Hai probably took them here by suprise. They was prolly like

Them: Where we going?
Hai:Dropping by somebody house real quick to say sup
(When they got here)

Them:Who's house is this
Hai:Hieu's and Le's house

*her mind*: WOW OMG... This is hella ugly

Yea something like that. I couldn't believe that even I felt uncomfortable to be in my own house. ME, somebody that walks around the house naked when I GET A CHANCE, felt awkward in my house cuz of her.. It's a sad paradox.

Later on Hai wanted to go to Alan's house so we can play Smash BRO's. Before we can do that, we had to drop off Hai's gf and her to Hai's house. But the first thing was gettin them something to eat because for some reason they didn't wanna eat our BBQ or maybe my family already put it away. Forgot but yea, I didn't wanna be in the car with her. She was quiet, she prolly felt weird like I did. But I carried on with myself, tried to keep my composer in this mist of awkwardness. When they got out the car, I felt this fresh patch of oxygen cloud me and I inhaled it like it was a bong hit. I felt a little better when they left they car and us doing our thang at Alan's house.

One Man Can do a Lot.

This blog is dedicated to my brother from another mother. I really appreciate your presence when you're here. Dayam man... We've been like those fo flats on a cadillac ever since the 7th grade. It's interesting that I see PANDA is about to separate and they're writing hella blogs about it xD. But I feel them tho. Thats nothing wrong with that, it just shows how much they love eachother that they want everyone in PANDA.. hell everybody on the internet to know how they feeling about the departure of their own. But this is about you my brother thats about to depart again.

It's interesting that we kept in touch for hella long and shit and stay strong with the communication. First you was with us for freshman year and only for a couple of months then you cut from Skyline. After hella confusion, you went to Fremont for the next three years. What was once seeing each other everyday turned into occasional visits to the house on the weekends. Later on, you told me that your family is about to move which I was already anticipating. But you flipped it on me when you told me that you was going to live without them and on your own. Then I remember I came over to your house on the welcoming party and I kinda walked in your roommates smoking session, but they was hella koo about it tho. This was when you also suprised me when you told me that you was a vegan. It was just overwhelming on me, but it was tight that you was doing yo thang so I was just hella proud that you getting yo shit and struting it proud.

Later on you couldn't handle the money situation any longer and that was when you decided to move with your Aunt in Nevada. I remember the last day you was with me that day, we laughed out ass off like we never did. Just watching those videos on youtube, yea.. wonderful memories. Even though I talked to my mom and she agreed that you could live with us, you wanted to go out there and expand your horizon a little bit. I respected that and you was off.

Interesting enough, you hit me up with a cell phone. BLUD a cell phone, something that me and you needed soo bad and you beat me to it. But that was hella tight, kept in touch while you was in Nevada. Everytime we talked, there was always a story to say, I gotta admit that our lives is nothing close to being boring. Some shit is always happening with us and we build theories around it. Hella months past and you gimme a call saying that you planning to come up here to visit. That was one fun ass week bruh, that stayed within my memory banks for life. I remember we was sweating like slaves in my room that one night and we watched that whackass movie lol.
Then you was off the next morning.

Later on you came up again for prom night, boy we was looking SPIFFY xD. I gotta admit you had your shit going. Not only that, you had it going with your date. That night was hella interesting, I made you go into robber status when we was playing hide in the dark for that quick min. That was like the last time I saw you until the next couple months that you told me that you was finna stay with me for a lil while till you go off to college.

Now it's about that time, you finna head out today again. It's going to be a lil while till I see you again. But it's koo tho, cuz we always been like this (crosses fingers). I always found it hella suprising that you stuck around with me and Le when we was smaller than you. But for some reason it just seemed that we had similar views and we had to keep it rolling with this caravan on this journey. You finna head off to Washington and Imma still be here in the Bay like always. But where ever you go, you always seem to show me a piece of where you are. So it's never really goodbye. It's another "I'll see you when I see you."

I can a lot more about you, like all the embarrassing times or of how you inspired me to change but that can wait another time :P.

Put your heart into yo fist bruh and Throw it to the Sky. I'll be right there with you with my fist in the Sky too and we stay Solidified to the end of time.

GL MY NIGGA!

Last night was interesting. I kicked it with PANDA and the whole band last night. I dressed up spiffy in my button up shirt. CPK was koo, good thing i didn't see that bitch waitress from last time. I sit at the opposite end and look at everybody enjoying each other. I sort realized how I don't really fit in with them. I don't think that they feel awkward around me, but for some reason I feel a little different around them; not myself. So I rather just stay quiet around them and ponder on my own thoughts for the time being. I'm glad that they invite me to these things, considering me and Le. It's just that I don't have this connection with them for some reason, like I'm on a whole different universe from them.

In the mist of all of the charades, she aimmed me.. and I completely forgot about that I had a conversation with her that day. It made me wonder if she was curious about me or was curious about us. I really have no idea how to respond to her. Do I try again or do I let it slide.

But in the middle of that Me, Le, Alan, and Alex was ghost riding his van in Alameda. That topped off my night. Yep.. interesting night.

Girl of my Dreams

It's hard to picture the girl of my dreams

When they're often portrayed as light skinned video vixens

In a fluttering white dress

Floating across clouds

Like it's the sun Jesus' revealing out

They're just dreams and girls are reality

Vixens are false reality while

Crazy bitches and Drama queens are as real as it gets..

And yet in the end, what the media has revealed to me

Was hard to believe

Because what my eyes conceived to me

Happened to be the girl of my dreams

She loves hip hop from the top notch MC's

To the bass dropping booty popping beats

Or soothing melodies

She loves are to the fullest extent

Photography, music, fine art, street art, even novel romance

She loves staying at home to chill and watch movies on the TV screen

And stay up to the crack of 8 just to finish a game of Monopoly

She loves to go to the beach and listen to the waves wrestle against the sea shore

Or stay locked in my arms to stay warm while the rain pours

She loves to eat anything from burritos, In-N-Out burgers, TGIF, to fine cuisine

Without even tripping about gaining a thing

And she loves my momma's cooking

She loves to talk, have fun and listen

Have a couple of bumps and fights here and there but make up in the end

She loves to make me happy when I'm sad or help me breathe when I'm stressed

And take my bullshit when I want to get things off my chest

She loves me for who I am and what I would be

And I could love her now to infinity

Looking back and to as far as I can see, you are the girl of my dream.

___________.(sign your name here if you wanna be my girl of my dreams ^^)

The Heat D:

Today was an interesting day. I remember waking up seeing the paramedics in my house. My bruh Escenthio was hella trippin in the morning. He was shaking profusely and he could hear his heart. So we had to get the abumlance here fassttt.

Like four hours later, I woke up and I walked into my room. The damn thang is filthy... but its my home so I walked through all the obstacles in the way to reach my computer. Yea it was a journey, I think I stepped on my Jabbawockeez shirt on the way. The sky should SMITE ME FOR THAT.

I go on the internet and check the usual AIM, Facebook, and email. Personally myspace died on me so its all about Facebook now. Then I check my usual photoshop websites to keeping my photoshop interlect fresh. I'm not a good photoshop, but a developing one and I gotta keep learning everyday.

Later on my mom got home with the groceries. She got cereal with no milk.... how come this always happens to me. I think some kind of diety from above is torturing me. If I have milk, I never have cereal. =.= I love cereal. But yea, I had to go outside to get the groceries. This is when I discover that the sun farted. It was like we just teleported to the Mohave. It was blazing outside. It was like only 12.. damn global warming

Later on, my bruh Hai swooped Escenthio up from the hospital and then came by my house to get me and Le. When we got to his car we had to let it air out cuz it felt like he was cooking hell in there. It was like Satan sneezed in there and it caught on fire in there. We headed towards the Embarcadero to check out the Toy and Collectibles Expo. Note it felt like we was riding in a slave ship on our way there because Hai can't roll down his windows. Just imagine the torture.. Moving on.

At the expo they have some really nice toys, especially hella transformers. Transformers have always been one of those things I love fuckin with when I was a kid tho. I sorta remember some of their names like Ratitat and that one that was have hawk and wolf. Then I remember seeing thing big headed Ironman toy thing that looked hella wet. Then we left to Borders cuz we couldn't stand the heat anymore. After reading books we went to go to pick up Hai's gf.

After that Hai dropped us off at my house. I called my other patnah Jeri up to see if he wanted to go shoot some pool. He never got back to me. So I spent my time working out at home. But what sucked was feeling my stomach erupting on the inside. Muddbut attacked me silently. I was about to go to the bathroom until Escenthio came out with my phone. My mentor Somneng called because eariler that day I called her to talk about paperwork. What was scorching through my mind was, hit the toilet up! So I tried to end the conversation with Somneng as quick as possible. When it finished, I dashed to the toilet and blew it up..

Now I'm just writing my blog here, thinkin about the next thing that I'm goin to write about. I don't know really.. Maybe something about how I feel at the moment. Currently whats going on through my head now is I feel that I really can't get a break.. I'm between a rock and a hard place, I also want certain things in my life that seems to be impossible at the moment. I may be writing about blogs of how my day went, but it's that doubt that there's actually anybody that's thinkin about me and they wanna see what are goin on in these blogs. So I wanna see how this thing goes, but I know for sure one thing is, this blog spot is going to be where Ima hold my poems at and pieces.