See if You Feel Me?

I remember yesterday, I went to the AYPAL OASES Social. Thanks to Tiffany for giving me that wake up call and inviting me. From 72nd to Washington Park, it took an hour to get there; but it's cool all for solidarity :P I remember just being on the bus, it was hella hot and I was wearing an all black fit. Yea.. hella smart of me huh. While I was sweating on the bus, this one girl got on the bus and sat in the seat behind me. Now the rule for me about busses is never to look at people on the bus when they're sitting down. For one, it makes it seem like you wanna see them about something and two it will make them feel awkward. The only time where looking is permittable is when they first get on the bus and walking down the aisle to find their seat. Thats a rule for me, and I strongly suggest you follow that rule as well if you have to take the bus. So I looked at her and she seemed farmiliar. And then at the corner of my eye, using my periphial vision, I could see that she was straight eyeing me, LIKE A HAWK. Now I started to feel really awkward, and this chick is really bigger than me. If it was a different chick that looked attracting, then I've would've been like "HEEYYY" but simply this wasn't the case. Later on she tapped my shoulder and she was like "Aye you used to go to Frick huh" I was like yea. So that's why I know she looked familiar cuz she used to go to my middle school. So I thought it was just crazy of how every one from Frick has change. It's weird too as weird, cuz it's this connection where everybody in Frick has to stay together. Like everybody that went to Bret Harte, went to Skyline. But everybody that went to Frick went to hella other different schools because our teachers all told us to go to any other schools besides Castlemont. So when me and Le got off the bus, I said peace to her, and she felt the same way and we kept it Solidified LOL. AWW YEAA

When I got to Washington Park, I saw a lot of familiar faces. I felt good to be in that space again. Everybody was really just chill. I remember that OASES had everybody split into groups to play certain games, like doing a "Singing Bee" and "Truth or Dare Hot Potato". Now I didn't feel like playing in any of those games because I still felt tired. And I know if I joined the "Truth or Dare Hot Potato" and if I dropped it, Tiffany would want me to repeat my dance I did that the camping trip that one time. So I was just chilling on the bench by myself. Now people be looking and thinking, why do I try to look emo. That's not what I'm tryin to impose on people. People gotta understand that I love having some alone time while I'm in the outdoors. The things I been thinking of usually calms me down when I'm by myself, because I like having all the space to figure myself out. Also I be coming up with new rhymes in my head and I keep going like a local motive and I just can't stop. Something like Neyo and Closer :P I remember they was throwing the water balloons and I grabbed one water balloon. I kept it for safe keeping. I didnt wanna waste it so quickly. I remember Vay tried to pop it while I still had it in my hands. He tried and he failed along with Tommy too. Then Tommy wanted me to get I think Diem or somebody and I remember I said something like "She's already wet." So I changed my target for somebody that was close to me and had dry clothes. I'm sorry Anh, I just had to do it. I was amazed on how the water spilled from the balloon. It didn't even pop, I open it up like an egg and it spilled that way. I escaped from the area as quick as possible.

Now the day was going koo and I was feeling good how it was going so far. It was ending, so they did a closing circle. Now one of the cats from the social had to say something like "I appreciate all the asians that came out except for the Vietnamese ones." Now when he said that, this flashback just clicked in my head of how this one doode used to talk hella shit about Vietnamese people. I remember he said something like "Why Vietnamese people always fucking up games." So I internalized that and I hold it in myself and I feel really offended when I hear something like that coming out of somebody's mouth. So I remember trying to calm down and I was telling them " AYE AYE No Discrimination Yaa." Then in the end, the weaker part of me said " Or I'll lay yo ass out." I couldn't help it.. there's a lot of things that I can tolerate but those things really hits me cuz people don't know how much I've been reticuled for being asian and also have my friends that are mainly chinese people talk shit about Vietnamese people. Now people thought I went too far with that, and I feel the same now when I look back at it. So this is something that I must work on now.

So after that everybody went off doing their own things, and I went with Hai. While with Hai we was waiting for Alan. We wanted Alan to come thru and spend some good ol time with the boys. When he finally met up with us, we just SMASHED and chill. Alan's dad was calling him and it sound like his dad was mad about something him and his sister didn't do. So me, le, and Hai felt a little disappointed that our night had to end so early. So Hai tried to see if it was koo with Alan's parents that we could come over and play some more. Alan was defensive. He didn't want to try to talk to his dad. He said he was scared of him. We was like " you could just ask your dad, and if he says no, then he said no." But he said its not even like that, He said we dunno his dad cuz he's part Vietnamese. Now since he said that, I was thinking in my head.. " WTF DOES THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN " And i remember many times before that he had use that excuse for other things, but I was already irritable about how the day went. So I got really mad on how he used that. Made me feel like people really don't like who Vietnamese people are. Like Vietnamese people are the ones to blame for the problems that happened in their asian lives. I felt offended again. Now I have such a hard time trying to understand who I am in this world still.. and I also try my best to dig myself deep in my roots. But there's so many hardships that intervene with his spirtual digging and it has gotten to a point where I really start to hate who I am. Now I know people tell me to love who I am, and I constantly try to support myself and make sure that my foundation stay strong. But what happens when not only the people that don't know you reticule you and also the ones that should know you best do that same. So I got heated, so I felt like duking it out with somebody that night.

It turned from a koo day to a more emotional and heated day.